“The goal of spiritual practice is full recovery, and the only thing you need to recover from is a fractured sense of self.” ~ Marianne Williamson
This weekend was a tricky one for me. Right before the retreat I was attending, I became anxious.
Maybe my body and spirit knew that I was about to embark on some self-healing. It anticipated this and my ego said a resounding “NO!”
It was a chaotic journey there, mostly of my own making. But I finally arrived . . .through all the resistance.
I landed firmly on my yoga mat and said “YES!”
“I made it. Let the games begin.”
That first session was amazing. I heard my body begin talking to me, felt the aches and stiffness in my joints and muscles slowly melt.
I opened up to new possibilities. Opportunities to rid myself of another layer of stuff that had built up over my lifetime.
At the beginning of my journey to ‘find myself’, I found release tough, painful and raw. It hurt to let go of me.
Now with each gentle moment of liberation that comes, I realise I was only letting go of a sense of me and beginning to embrace who I really was.
The retreat allowed me to be free, to move.
I swam. I walked. I rested. I yoga’d.
I awoke like a sleepy, giddy child. Chucking on my plimsolls to explore the countryside.
I wanted to feel, hear, and smell my surroundings.
I felt the season begin to shift slightly and subtly. There was a new dampness in the air I hadn’t noticed in the busyness of daily life.
A hint of Autumn in the early morning with some summery spots of sun to warm myself in.
It was happiness, joy and excitement. I was seeing the world anew and from a fresh perspective.
By the Sunday afternoon, after staring at the sunshine through the dappled shade of the trees. I lay on my belly on a yoga mat gently breathing.
I heard the words from the instructor “Feel the Earth beneath you. Feel its breath and rhythm.”
Gentle tears of beautiful release slowly rolled down my cheeks. I allowed them. I felt joy and sadness at once.
A letting go of some old stuff. Grief, heartache, disappointment… but mainly an absorption of joy.
My life now is full of these moments. These ‘I’m so glad I’m alive’ moments.
Despite the struggles, I learn so much about myself every day and in turn that is easing and healing my relationships with others.
Communication. Happiness. Expression. Love. All this comes easier to me now.
I advise you to let go of a little of ‘you’ today. Tell someone you love them, tell yourself you love you.
Say ‘YES!’ to yourself. Allow something to come up.
Find a tree, a rhythm and your heartbeat.
Listen and wait for that release of your own.
It is so worth it.
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